Ishvari Tantra

7 Tips on How To Say NO

7 Tips on How To Say NO

Its Time to Say Enough of feeling tense, stress, overwhelm because you where not able to say NO

It’s time to express what you really want, to honor yourself and your feelings, to set up your boundaries and to feel free and empower.
Clarity, self-confidence and courage…are qualities necesary to start to be true to yourself without feeling guilty.

How many times I have find myslef in this situation where I wasn’t able to express what I really wanted, because I felt I had to do that for “them”, I want to please “them”, feeling so unconfortable to say NO, sorry I cannot”, or “I dont want!”
Its such an unpleasant feeling to find ourlself in this situation, so much tension and stress are build in our body from those situations.

And because of this, you may find yourself in a very difficult and traumatising situations, like being abuse. And then it may take days or years to heal from it.

So men and women, it’s time to learn how to say NO  and “YES” to your power!
Honor your body, your feelings, your limitations, your life.
It’s importante to know where we are at, because its only from that place that we can have the good base to evolve and grow.

But How to say No?

Here is what I found helpful to identify when you really want to say no, and how to do it politely without feeling bad about it

1 ▷ Listen to your intuition.

Many times the difficulty of expression start because we actually don’t know what we want!
Being able to listen our inner-voice, tuning inside ourself for a moment instead of jumping into giving an answer strait away, will already eliminate a lot of “Yes” and regrets later on.
For this, cultivating a daily practice of meditation, and observing the answers of our body will help a lot to be able to catch our inner-wisdom. If you start to feel tension in certain part of your body, its most probably that you don’t really feel good about the situation.
More you will be clear about your goals, your feelings, your values…more it will be easy to find the way to say No.
You will also feel stronger, more confidente, self respected.

2 ▷  Set up healthy boundaries.

We all have boundaries and limitations, and they are always changing and evolving.
Being aware and clear about them will help.
For me, that part has been a big challenge, i’am getting much better at it now, but I feel I can always because better at it.
I was perceiving boundaries as a weakness for a long time, especialy in the context of relationship, while exploring polyamory with the goal to develop my heart and discover what true love mean. I was denying where I was at, at my level of evolution, not wanting to put boundaries in my relationship thinking that it was the way it should be for a relationshion based on true love, and I got hurt big time.
I was disrespecting myself, pushing my limitation again and again (pushing boundaries is good, but it need to be done in a healthy way, and so knowing wish boundaries you can push and wish one you shounld not!)…and so at the end I was not being respected and understood by my partner. In some extrem situation, it can even creat traumas.
If you don’t respect your own boundaries, you are not respecting yourslef, so how do you want other to respect you!

3 ▷ Cultivate self confidence.

Without self confidence and without knowing how much value you have. To say NO will be more difficult.
On my experience, self confidence is one of the keys that empowers you to don’t be manipulated by others.

  • Start by being aware and believing you are worth it and you deserve to take care of yourself
  • you deserve to put “this” boundaries for yourslef,
  • you deserve to respect yourself, you deserve to be respected by others,
  • you deserve to be listen,
  • you deserve to be taking care,
  • you deserve to be loved…

Yes, you deserve all that!
So from that place, where you know and believe in yourslef, self-confidence will grow, and expressing your NO will become more easy!

4 ▷ If its not 100% YES, thats mean NO.

Its very normal to find ourself in a place where a part of us want something and on the same time an other part dont want it.
If you are unclear, unsure, better to share it with the person instead of thinking that the only answer possible is YES or NO and nothing in between.Life is not all black or white, there is so many shades of grey in between, and so our answers can be a bit grey too.
Just be true to yourslef, be honest!

5 ▷ Exploring those grey area.

Maybe the proposition of your friend is not totally align with your boundaries, but you still feel motivated to do something “for them” or “with them”. Here a good way to answer could be like “No, but what if we do … instead!”
It’s possible topropose an alternative, and show that you care about them, you heard them, but what they are asking is a bit “too much” for you right now, but you still want to be with them, do something with them.
Like that both of you can feel heard and taking care.

6 ▷ Expressing the NO.

Even when you have work on listening your intuitions, know your boundaries, and know that you want to say No, it can be still difficult and inconfortable to say it.
We may be scared of the response or angers of the person in front of us, butdon’t let the emotions of the other person set up your boundaries.
Think about how will you feel afterward if you don’t respect yourslef and your needs, and compare to how would you feel if on the contrary you take care of yourself.One thing thats help me so much to be able to express my NO, is to pick one specific situation in the past, very unpleasant, where you didn’t say NO, and think about the concequences of that!How did it feel? Do you want to find yourslef in this situation again?
My NO is coming out so strongly when I keep that exemple in mind!

7 ▷ Receiving the NO.

Of course, on the receiving hand, it’s not really pleasant to receive a negative answer sometime. We feel upset, disapointed or we can take it personal.
But at the end of the day, you want to keep peoples around you that can respect your boundaries, even if that may hurts at some point.
Also witnessing that the person in front of you is having a lot of courage to step up and express there needs, what can you answer in this situation?“Thanks for taking care of yourself!” 😉

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